nicely put

It's about time I came back here; previously everything was a mad rush, making me give this a little miss. These few weeks have been full of pleasant surprises as well as a little disappointment, but I guess these pass over me really quickly, because by then, I realise all of these were somewhat expected. So I can't really call them surprises. Then again, they do surprise me. I'm being so vague I think no one else will know what I'm talking about except me. Yes, that's what vague is. I forget.

Okay shall move on to the more tangible experiences I've gone through. Still need to be vague about it due to certain national obligations, but good enough I guess. Over the period, I've been given many roles to play, and certain responsibilities to fulfil. And over that same period, I guess I've learnt an extraordinary amount about myself, and I thank God for that.

I guess as many people know me, I'm very conservative in many very different ways. I shy away from the new and untested, and stick to the routine, often uncomfortable out of my, well, comfort zone. But what I've gone through over the past seven or so weeks, has given me a new confidence in the abilities that I've been blessed with. Not to say they are anything much, but certainly, they aren't nothing either. Taking the lead in an environment with ultra-dominant personalities of course was not easy, but to me, it felt natural, in the sense of hey-it's-actually-not-so-bad-after-all.

I think morally as well, I've kept my ground pretty well. It undeniably takes a lot for one to remain oneself in that kind of environment, where you are bombarded with many different influences in varying degrees very frequently. I still believe that the narrow path is worth taking, no matter how hard it may be.

Ah okay, still very much vague. But at the very least I know what I'm talking about. (:

mini rant

I don't get what's so difficult about letting us off for external appointments that have the potential in deciding the course of our future. It's merely a few hours off and a whole fuss is being stirred up, bureaucratically inflexible much? The whole hierarchal authority thing with the chain of command is surely impeding everything and anything, and that's why so little is being done. I mean, year in and year out, they'll be facing this same problem over and over again, inevitably, so why not make things easier for both sides?

On another note, I think I've successfully lost touch with civilisation. Not entirely, but close enough. Somehow everything seems so different and new to me when I'm out.

BAAACK

Ahahaha I'm back! It's good to be back. Then again, I'll be back THERE tomorrow. Oh well, over the days I was back I didn't have the energy to contact many friends at all, the entire experience really drained me physically. Though, I did eat quite a bit of good food, to redeem all the nasty culinary specimens I was doomed to consume for the period. The hotel buffet I went to just now is probably one of the most worth-it ones I've ever patronised. But only because of the huge discount offered. The PARENTS really do know me well.

On another note, let me recount the good and the bad. Though I'm probably bound not to say much because of certain obligations, let's just discuss the common public conceptions and I'll add in my own personal anecdotes. That shouldn't be against the law, ya? Haha.

Conception #1: People come out of it with a newfound knowledge of profane and vulgar language, and the irresistible urge to practise it.

Okay, let's just be clear about this. There is plenty of such influence in there, I am certain. EVERYONE does it, from the highest to the lowest. I've seen and I've heard, and it's no secret. That being said, I can still proudly claim truthfully that I have NOT been affected as such. No, I am still the same innocent, pure and undeniably mild-mannered little lamb I've always been. You may find it hard to believe, but those who've known me for some time will know that it's not impossible. I have yet to be on the same language wavelength as the others in there, and so far, surprisingly, there has not been any negative backlash. In fact, I think some people think it's awesome. I think it is too.

Conception #2: It's very slack lah.

NO LOR. Yes sometimes there's some time to do stuff, but it's not personal stuff. I've very little time to myself, so much so I've only read two pages of the book I brought. The schedule is very, very packed, and it drains one physically quite a lot, especially because I'm in a special group. In fact the whole thing is pretty rushed - mealtimes are insanely short and there's little time to sit and even be still. The learning and adaptation curve is pretty steep as a result. Maybe it's because I'm not too used to it, I'm quite a slow-moving person after all. Though, the days tend to stretch there, and so, it feels like it has been a very rushed two years in the two-plus weeks I was there.

Conception #3: A lot of people hate it for what it is.

Definitely true to some extent. It does things to people, and people do things to it. But what is sure is that there are some who are made for it. I've seen people who show a true passion for it, and I respect them for that. I can't say I have the same devotion, but I'm just taking things one step at a time. I need more time to adjust, and before that, I hope the system forgives me (so far I haven't got into any mishap!). The people around me have been surprisingly friendly and amiable, and I've made a good number of close friends in just this period alone. Something tells me there are many hidden blessings in disguise, and I will for the life of me dig them out.

It perhaps is one of the most otherworldly (haha) experiences for me so far; everything's really different (I'm being so vague here but that's how it has to be sadly :( ). New resolution: to make the best out of it.