I feel the need

Okay I just felt the need to blog, what with all that has been happening over the past few months ever since my moments of indecisiveness with what to do with the next phase of my life. It is at once a huge update and the need to just write everything down to counter a bout of forgetfulness that ever so often claims me, because what happens before university, I want to remember in even greater detail (so the few who are able to see this, be honoured hahaha okay I'm kidding, it's actually hazardous).


Outcome of decision
Law and Econs, with the 40-50% chance of swopping Econs with Comms, and the very, very much higher chance I will take Comms as a minor. And this just in (actually no, I'm writing very much in a hindsight that is likely to have been pickled and jarred), the university offered me a scholarship! Something that I was very, absolutely surprised to be on the receiving end, totally did not expect, could not have foreseen; yup, that about sums it. I accepted it, obviously because of the additional financial freedom it would afford my family, and less obviously because of the greater incentive to focus on my studies and account for my performance. Of the material updates, this has to be the biggest one.


Faculty Orientation Camp
Going for the camp happened because I casually signed up at the tea session, and it was more of honouring a promise I made, and since I was free anyway, why not? I'm not entirely good with orientation camps and the required enthusiasm, energy and gusto that accompanies it, and I've never been a fervent believer in first impressions and their misplaced adequacy, but then again it's probably because I don't fare too well on their scales either. To cut the long story a little shorter: I went there expecting very little, and to be honest it wasn't much either. I made a few close friends, friends who I could sustain conversation with, conversation deeper than the average banter, friends who I could share some things with, yet they were bound within the circle of the entire orientation group, and I rarely saw them beyond the confines of group meetings and activities. I know for sure I need to give it a little more time, after going through JC and the land of green, having been very close to people I'd thought I'd never have a chance with in the beginning, it has convinced me so. They're a bunch more mature and thoughtful than most, something I definitely appreciate a lot. The expected air of cliquish elitism is either non-existent or masterfully subdued, because I did not discern any throughout my interactions with them, though I can tell a few within the cohort and not necessarily close to me nevertheless bore that aura, but that is to be expected. The camp was fun enough, exciting enough, not too mild to be dull, yet not too extreme to be overdone. It was much tamer than the hall and faculty camps I heard about from other friends, and to me that was a blessing through and through. I could veritably tell that the seniors had put in considerable effort in ensuring the entire product was palatable, and on my part, it is appreciated. My whole demeanour during the camp was pretty much laidback, the only few times I remembered I stepped up (and apparently stood out) were during some drama moments that required initiative (that was sorely lacking at times within the group either because of inability or poor judgment) and humour (dry, acerbic, sarcastic, my style). At this point in time, I would like to remind myself to refrain from putting out snarky remarks, however funny I think they may be.


Bali
After some bumming around after the camp, K, ZY, KJ and I went for a much-awaited trip to Bali! To be honest, I didn't go well-prepared in terms of information and a desire to try out new stuff, but thanks to KJ's initiative in bookings and K's initiative in tour information and a little of KJ's and my background information on the island, it went rather fantastic. I tried to pitch in with the common fund and planning the day tripping on the third day. We managed to accomplish so much in such little time, that it makes me proud to think about it. Using resort amenities like the two pools, the ping-pong table, the cafes nearby; cycling through the village compound and streets, saying hi to the kids and pretending to be Japanese with the locals (though rather unconvincingly so); kopi luwak tasting (really bitter and strong! Though I know why some people bother to pay for it now, for its distinct and unique taste); the breathtaking views of Agung and Batur; smoked duck; Balinese rice terraces, farms and padi fields; a very, very value-for-money spa; Nusa Dua beach and (really, truly) spectacular blowholes; Tanah Lot at low tide; Uluwatu temple sunset and monkeys (K's and KJ's bane); Jimbaran seafood dinner by the beach; picturesque sunrise; Sanur shopping and haggling; nightly bridge sessions and minivan conversations that invariably ended up in a lot of unintended but much appreciated sharing. It was a very fulfilling, sincere, carefree trip.


Phuket
For Phuket, which was just two days after Bali, it was an entirely different experience, mainly because of the different group of people I went with, namely HW, CG, YB, and A. This group I would describe as rather jock-ish, unassailably straightforward, and altogether rather wild. It's no surprise certain wild adventures were undertaken then, some of which I didn't participate in (of course). First day comprised of a pleasant surprise on board a budget flight that bestowed us extra leg room (appreciated anywhere, anytime), walking and shopping around before hotel check-in, and swimming in the hotel pool thereafter, where we met J, a surprise I had foreknowledge of, and after that, the venture into the deep unknown that was Soi Bangla, sleepy street by day and acidic, vibrant nightlife hotspot by night, where we settled at a bar. Thereafter, we covered plenty of what Phuket had to offer: island hopping to the nearby isles and bays, snorkelling which proved to be a more-than-pleasant experience, lazing and swimming by beaches teeming with fish; white-water rafting which I would describe as nothing less than unforgettable; ATV riding (they totally ate my dust); fish spa; yet another full-body massage which was fantastic (hard is good, no pain no gain); sumptuous seafood dinners (!), nightly jaunts near Patong Beach, haggling everywhere else (one of my favourite pastimes); motorbike riding on the last day (even though as a very safe and measured rider, I never went over 40km/h, ta-dah). I felt that this trip wasn't as heartfelt as the last, and though there were moments where hearts were poured out, but I think that there could have been much more. No doubt it was tiring, but it was time well-spent, and I would love to have more rounds of such. And, I have discovered my penchant for haggling and my commendable level of initiative I didn't know I had (this is my blog, I can say whatever I want to, hahaha).


Community Service at Northlight
Because of my numerous trips here and there and the overall tight schedule I had, I basically could not be part of this as much as I would like, though for most part I guess it turned out alright. A group of us worked on a skit, quiz, group discussion and other activities to engage a group of students at the school for academically weak students on the issue of drug abuse. The topic may well be a tired one for many of us, but for them, it may well be a very close issue to their hearts, one that they are likely to encounter many times due to the social climate they are surrounded by. Whatever little contributions I had, were in terms of the role and agenda-setting, scripting for the skit, listening ear to the group leader G, and the crowd rouser and atmosphere creator on D-day itself, 15 July. Admittedly, the audience was very much like the subordinates I crossed paths with during my time in the land of the green, and unsurprisingly so, given how many of them were similar in terms of education, family background and the such. What struck me most on the day itself was the level of engagement we managed to achieve with them, in that we had so much of their rapt attention, I started feeling so encouraged, and believed that we were really on the right track with them. It was amazing and awe-inspiring, their interactions with us were truly unbelievable, and at the end of it all, I felt it was all worthwhile. Their willingness to participate after the initial inertia, the openness with us, the candid initiative to share email addresses and contact numbers, these were all unexpected and very much sincere. It was day unlike any other, and now I realise why there are social workers and an increasing level of volunteerism in this society; while there is a lot to give, there is really a lot to receive as well.
TA gathering
Oh well, though the turnout was just alright and on the diminutive side, I enjoyed it on the whole. We gathered for a time of games and conversation, finding out how each other was doing, and maybe in our minds, helping them to chart their future, and where we would stand in that. I honed my mahjong skills, as well! And I would not have it any other way, in that those who were interested to come, came. It is highly unlikely another of such an event would be organised or held in the near future (unless any kind soul offers, that is), and that was why, as much as it may not seem to be, I treasured this opportunity quite a bit, and it is rather sad not many saw it on the same level as I did. But well, phases of our life come and go, and I guess it is about time the cohort identity took a rest, and let the groups of friends (maybe for life?) with their tighter bonds start to emerge and take its place. I am truly glad for SY and J who organised it with me, and for the many friends I have made from that time of four formative and very enriching years.
Meeting people
Here goes the list of people I've remembered I've met on a rather daily basis or recently (whichever is the case), and how I feel about them (the meet-ups I mean, haha). In no order of merit or demerit:


SY, YX, HB: I am very close to this group of friends (thanks to the first year in school!), and I can talk just about anything with them. Though sadly it is getting harder for us to meet up due to conflicting schedules, I believe the bond is still quite strong (though HB and SY share the strongest bond ahahaha). We share a lot in common, though we are still unique individuals in many other ways, and that is nice to know.
G: I am really close to her (thanks to school!), and also because of distance (or the lack of it!), we can make time for each other, and that is much appreciated. I treasure her viewpoint quite a bit, and I really do hope we can keep it up.
HW, CG, YB, A: Because of our commonality in the land of the green (two times over, at that! Except for YB, which is just once), we became quite close, even though I knew HW from a long time before. It still amazes me that I managed to 'click' with them, and that they can accommodate my 'uniqueness', haha. In this group, I also share a closeness with each of them, apart from the group dynamic.
YH, LZY, YJ: I share so much in common with YH that it is quite scary, in terms of how we think and react, and certain other beliefs. LZY is frank and rather humourous and we share a similar brand of humour. Though it feels like YJ is somewhat drifting away. I am more or less closest to YH, and we often exchange insults.
ZY, sometimes with K, SY, or KJ: I appreciate ZY's dry humour that is sometimes truly blunt and straightforward, but never in my face. We meet up less often nowadays, though we still do, and the fact that we share some things in common, remains much to be treasured. K has been overseas for a while, but when she's back, it's nice to know things are the same and we can meet.
KP: I knew him much better in the land of green, though I knew him by sight two years before. He is a rather acerbic and locally discontented individual, but I realise I can talk to him a lot regarding issues of much greater significance others would be deathly bored by. It is this shared penchant for deep conversation and the discovery of new places in the country that has brought us together, I guess.
SY, J: Though we met up largely for the sake of the gathering, I realise that J and I can keep a very decent conversation going. Anyone who can do that with me is truly treasured.
CG, YC: They share in common the land of green two times over with me, and because of my close work proximity with them then, we got to know each other much better. Though we meet only occasionally, it's nice when we do.
B, KY, ML, GT, CL, TJ: They are a group whom I've worked very closely with in the last nine months of my time in the land of the green, and though I've been on a trip with them, thereafter, we met up somewhat less frequently. It is hard to keep such an extensive group dynamic going, but I do miss the times, though sometimes it is time to move on. They are a very blah-blah group, and I can hardly have deep conversation with them, except when they are on their own, and because the group is not subscribed to the lowest common denominator of maturity. I am closer to B and KY.
NJY, A, D: This is the group I worked quite closely with, like with the above group, just that in a different capacity. Though we met up occasionally, it cannot quite be considered enough, but I realise this is probably due to conflicting schedules. NJY has this penchant for teasing me, and when it begins, everyone joins in.
JY: My ex-buddy, I was really close to him due to us sharing certain beliefs, and when we were close, we really could share just about anything with each other. But I guess due to time and the divergence of experiences thereafter, while we are still good friends, we cannot boast the closeness we used to have.
M: This is a long-time friend that I have had for a good seven years now, and even though I have not seen her for the past year, when we met up recently, it was just like good times, and we could talk really well with each other. I treasure this kind of time-tested connections a lot.
B: I was quite close to her, having worked quite well with her a few years ago. I have not met her for quite some time, but I feel that this long-lost connection can be revived more than easily; the only matter now is when.
V: I have not met her for some time, but whenever we meet, we manage to have a more than decent conversation, which I feel is more than good enough.
KW: A long-distance primary school friend, I met him recently and to be honest, I didn't expect the conversation to go so well. It is very heartening to know that both of us still share a lot in common, and that we are going to be able to meet soon, again.

U-turn?

Okay I just need to write it all down, and think. Let's cut to the chase.

I am very surprised (pleasantly and puzzlingly) at the number of the people (like more than 20?), and the kind of people, who have expressed any form of concern at my potential change in choice of university education. From the expected people whom I have had very close contact with - it was understandable and welcome - and to those whom I have not spoken to in two or more years, it was certainly strange, although definitely much appreciated.

So, a back-track is in order (not really cutting to any chase anymore).

For the last two or so years, I had been rather strong in expressing my decision to study communications, and to reject law, for the following reasons:

1. I figured I was way more interested in studying communications. Though my proficiency digital- and IT-wise was at best dismal (this blog is the pinnacle of it), I foresaw myself dabbling in the PR and corporate comms area, and maybe a little of journo, even though I was never the hit-the-ground-running kind of person, with the indomitable news sense and hunger for stories. I maintain that while I do not exhibit the usual tendencies of a writer on a creative mission - the short poems or verses scribbled on napkins (or better, a dedicated notebook), the occasional inspiration to churn out drafts that could compete with novellas on the shelf - I consider myself a writer nonetheless. This was where I felt one of my strengths lay, and as any mildly insecure and half-determined individual would play it, I stuck to my perceived strength (be it qualified or not), worked at it, and hoped to make something out of it.
2. I had dabbled in internships of both kinds before, having pushed paper at a law firm for a while, and roaming the workings of the biggest print media organisation for an even shorter while. While neither were fantastically exciting nor off-putting, I figured myself leaning towards the (slightly) more meaningful (do not read: rewarding) job of a journalist (okay, I realise on hindsight that was because I wanted to be an editor without the hassle of working my way up, which is hardly possible. The ability to control a publication's content, self-censorship and late hours never looked so good before).
3. Scholarship. To me that was a big plus, and continues to be so. The assurance that finances are not at all a worry is really a fantastic blessing, one which not many get to enjoy, and one that I continue to be thankful for.
4. The amazing flexibility the course offers, in choosing what you want to pursue. Communications allows me to (very nearly) choose any module I want to pursue, and judging by the range it offers, it far surpasses that offered by law.
5. I simply could not see myself as an effective litigator. I think this had a lot to do with my involvement in debate in the early days. Debate definitely honed my writing and argumentative skills, no doubt, but it also made me realise I fell quite far short, in terms of being able to express myself eloquently in speech, without tripping over words, or my worst nightmare, rambling in incoherently circles of argument, which I often find myself guilty of.

Then, recently, after declining the offer two years ago, I re-applied again (truth be told, my father encouraged me to do so, to keep my options open. Even then, I was convinced I would not consider the offer even if it was made). I was offered a double degree option this time round, a notch up from the previous offer two years ago. The inklings of a reconsideration set in due to the following reasons:

1. The double degree offer opens up a new avenue for me, which is the chance for the faculty to consider giving me a law and communications double degree. I was never against studying law, just that I did not see the need to study law if I was sure my career in future would not involve it. In fact, I find the study of law useful and potentially interesting. Sure it is dry, and probably boring to many, but while I would not underestimate its esotericism and profundity, I am pretty sure that it is possible to adapt to it. After all, I did enjoy studying in JC, and as long as it was words and not numbers, anything goes.
2. Should the faculty turn down my request for the abovementioned double degree, there is the option of doing a minor in communications, which requires me to drop my double degree option (entirely fine with that, which means only four years, not five). Though some professors I spoke to said that it was possible to come up with a "structured programme" that incorporated the double degree elements, others said that they did not foresee it happening in the near future, due to problems like lack of critical mass (I admit, I am still not fat enough) to necessitate a review of whether such a programme would be feasible for students. But what of law and life sciences? If anyone told me that there was a bigger field there than for the corporate secretaries who handle both the legal matters and the corporate affairs for most companies, I would be very much astounded. Bioethics may be up and coming, but definitely it is most unlikely it is a pressing need now.
3. As much as I would like to be sole and only stakeholder in the decision-making of this matter, I know it cannot be so. My father's input is that he prefers me studying law, as he sees it more "fitting to my temperament" (dull, who would have guessed?), and wants me to "keep my options open".
4. What I look for in university education is not just interest and fulfillment. I think this needs some explanation. You could call me a masochist who sees pain as part of the growing process, and that suffering is needed to bear fruit. In many past endeavours, if I didn't feel that the going was tough, or that there was no difficulty in achieving something, I never felt at ease. Sure, things were smooth-sailing (which is good too), but I felt that I would have learned more from whatever I was doing, should it have been more "painful". I may whine and grumble when I do something difficult, but after it is over, there is a sense of accomplishment, greater than what would come out of something achieved so simply, a breeze. Of course, I am not looking at utter failure (I am not so into self-inflicted pain as to throw myself into a mathematics degree), but at the arduous travail which, in my opinion, builds character and bonds people.
5. Whatever I want to do, whether in the comms-related fields or in the event I am suddenly interested in law (we never know), law is a suitable qualification. For a comms degree, I am limited to the former. While I continue to maintain that I do not hold any interest in a legal career for now, I cannot rule out that possibility. As it stands, the corporate comms area that I am interested in, as well as the foreign affairs openings, also view legal graduates favourably.

Alright, I think this about sums up half of my brain activity over the last two weeks. Maybe there is more, but I am too tired to dredge up anything else. Will update on choice/outcome/the coming judgment. I truly pray I make the right decision, whatever it may be.

Me me me me me me me

Ah yes I'm probably a tad too free nowadays. Actually no, it's just that I'm making it out to be so. In fact, I have a thousand and one things to do, that I just can't bring myself to. Either because they are too trivial (it's the small things that are often the most not-worth-it to do), or that they look too big for me to handle (and somehow there is the thinking that if I leave it till later, it'll somehow get smaller and look more manageable). THAT is the problem with me.

No, I refuse to admit it's procrastination, and with good reason too. I am still doing whatever I need to do now, just that it's perhaps at a slower pace than I expected. I'm occupied with something at any point in time, but I definitely think/know I could probably juggle two or more errands/things on my mind at any one time. This has been quite perennial (meaning that I've noticed it for around 6 years), and the best (or worst) thing is, for some/most things, I do place others before myself. Let me illustrate: let's say I'm supposed to get a new handphone for myself, and while that would obviously benefit me plenty, along comes Person A who asks for a favour, whether I could help them vet an essay or something that is within my power to help with (this is important, because if I can't do it, I can't do it. I can try, but I can't do it. Makes perfect sense. To me). When faced with such a circumstance, the natural choice is to vet the essay first, even if it takes half a day (a few did) and requires back-and-forth correspondence, way more effort than the new gadget.

But I think I know why. Somehow, I respond way more agreeably to something that is offered/expected of me. Even homework (I consider it a request from the tutors), if it's within my power, it'll be done. But if it's something like going out to buy new clothes, there is just so much inertia. Sounds really off-putting, but at times, what dominates my to-do list or timetable are others' to-do lists and timetables.

Or maybe it's because I'm just averse to the unfamiliar. Most of the time, I shy away from new environments, am reluctant to try something out, just because I have never done them before, or don't really know much about it. Take the example of getting that handphone - I've probably only done it twice thus far. The first time it was simple, I did it with my parents, and this gives me the security I'm getting the best deal, with somewhat perfect information, and besides, I didn't think much of it then. The second time round, it was just a matter of getting a second-hand one from someone else, and since it had to be non-camera, simple! It's different now, because of the wide range - the different models, features, but what's most important is, which one will bring me through university well and adequately enough (talking about the apps, the plan, etc.). To others it may seem like an inconsequential, back-of-the-mind thing, but to me, it's like getting a house. I wouldn't want to regret any decision made, but certainly this can't last, can it? But this has probably waned over the past years, and rightfully so; I can't go into university or my future career with such a close-minded and self-defeatist mentality. It comes across quite clearly in whatever interviews I've been through as well, in the rather conservative, pragmatic (and sometimes self-effacing, as one of my teachers described me) answers I give, and the seemingly  non-sequitur statements I sometimes spout, and then the panel will go 'huh?', and when I explain myself, they actually understand (or at least they seem to). Now that I read back the previous sentence, it truly exposes me as the dull, intellectually boring person I really am. But I like that.

It's a good trait to adopt. At least I don't mind helping others as much as it seems to affect other people quite adversely. At some points in time I felt like this way of doing things that I adopted was being taken advantage of by others (read: in the land of the green), but oh well, at least I'm the good guy, which makes the other party the bad guy, and that at least I didn't have it on my conscience. And I don't want my life to just be about me, how much fun I've had, how well I've progressed. Perhaps knowing that you've helped someone (a bit, a very little bit) along their journey is a blessing in itself. Why not help if I can help, you know. That said, I'm not a very charitable person in the sense of giving back to society, doing community work. I did some before of course, but those experiences probably just popped right onto my lap and I took them up. I don't get particularly struck by a certain cause and then go out of my way to find out how to help or contribute to that cause, applying to organisations or starting an initiative.

But maybe I should start trying. And maybe this time, I'll be able to do it.

A year!

Wow, has it been long since I last set foot here. But just in time to chronicle some of life's wondrous changes that have happened thus far.

Rewind back to April 2010: first commissioned, but me and my fresh face walked smack into one of the East's oldest camps. Got told that my posting would change, and became quite abrasive over that (and rightly so might I add!). But to condense a full nine months' of adapting, tolerating, learning, and even some fun into a few sentences is almost unimaginable, yet our human endeavours to always go beyond the limits to achieve the ultimate pinnacle of laziness and at the same time, practicality, amaze me to no end. And so it shall amaze you too.

Taking on my new role was not an easy pill to swallow, I'll be the first to admit that. I was probably very aware of the fact that how I looked, how I behaved and how I thought and acted, were very much dissonant with the people I was about to meet, and who will ever be really ready for that? But being thrown into the deep end had its own merits, and I, somehow or rather, found myself climbing that steep learning curve faster than I imagined possible. Somehow, they endeared themselves to me, and even though the work was pretty much gruelling and sometimes impossible, I told myself I should just try my best, and if anything went wrong, God was always there anyway. Many things did go wrong, but at least from where I stood, they didn't seem to go spectacularly wrong, so that was good. Going to Taiwan for the second time in two years; taking over the upperstudy too quickly for my comfort (to his credit, he was a fantastic upperstudy); having to manage the idiosyncrasies and different personalities of my subordinates and at the same time balancing their interests with my superiors' targets, deadlines and taskings; helming one of the many backend projects in a huge behind-the-scenes effort to support the nation's most prominent sporting events; finally taking the evaluation test we were all preparing for and worrying over - all of it seemed awfully like work, and it was. But more than that, it gave birth to a new sense of self-awareness, again grappling and finding out where I could improve on, and how best to react to a certain set of challenges. I'm so entirely grateful for all the opportunities and chances I had to interact with people, work with deadlines and keep the faith, and I could not have fathomed just how much I have learnt in my stint with this group of people - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the impossibly amazing. All of them probably wouldn't even chance upon on this, but it is to them I owe my eye-opening experiences for the most part of 2010 and a little of 2011.

In all of this, I've realised that my social circles have been changing dramatically. Now, the only people I usually and often meet who I've known before 2009 are a meagre few, and I do feel quite bad about it. Many of them have attributed this to my MIA-ing during the training phase, and it's quite true indeed; back then, I had barely enough time even for myself. As much as I would like to close the previous chapter in life and move on to the next, it is definitely unwise to archive the former and not bother further, but perhaps to leave it peeking open would be the best option. I've also begun to be more adventurous in terms of exploring certain conversational topics with friends, but I prefer to think that this was pretty much the case even from the start, just that this trait has yet again been enhanced and sent to the forefront of my psyche - where there should be no OB markers, but just free-flowing expression that delves into the previous no-no's of religion and politics, while at the same time inhibiting any vulgar or offensive barbs, especially those that stem from others. Maybe I'm just taking this all a bit too seriously, but a sincere conversation can do so much for those taking part in it. The sense of adventure has also extended to my taste for travel, and having gone overseas in a short span to Vietnam, Thailand, New Zealand, and soon, Indonesia and Thailand again, my hunt for bargains and good, affordable food have always been met with some measure of success.

This probably sums up my year till now, and oh, the constant 'agony' of settling on the right course of study as well, but that remains to be another experience to relate once I can make enough sense of it.

brave new world, yet it's the same old

So yes, I've officially stepped over to the other side, or should I say, made a long pilgrimage back to the more familiar side of the island, with thanks due to the posting. It was bittersweet, knowing that I actually had quite an attractive alternative being taken away from me, but oh well, we make do with what we have. So far, it's been uneventful. We're on course, and the people have really been nice enough, though rumours abound about so-and-so being monstrous and we all go, "Really ah?" - but really, does it matter? I know what it's like to be solely judged on first impressions, or worst, hearsay, so I'm not going to take it all in like a sponge, but see it for myself, and then maybe I'll believe, or maybe I won't. Touch some of the humanity within, everyone's got some to give and show, I say.

Meanwhile, I believe most of us still ache for the presence of the platoon, but already I feel the heartstring-tugging ebbing away. Humans forget, and why shouldn't we, instead of clinging on to something that sometimes can never materialise again. Keeping in touch is never easy, but once we do, it is worth all of its while. And maybe the same feeling may not be relived, but I'm content to rest well in the knowledge that I can still remember enough of that feeling in order to miss it.

Thank you God for all these years, that I can still remember what's most important to me.

long overdue, but here I am

So yes, a few things. My birthday's passed, so has ACPC, and the commissioning. Wow, it's really been a ride.

Both the birthday and the ACPC share a lot in common actually, simply because they were on the same day. All the tumultuous ragging and the midnight stampede aside, it was at best, endearing and at worst, plain raucous fun. Not that I'm a mad fan of it, but. They brought out a cake and a soft toy thereafter, and well, I guess I softened a little. How do you get mad with people who celebrate your birthday? So later on, was ACPC and the dining-in and all that. Post dining-in was a bad idea; turned into the reddest tomato red anyone could drag out of the closet. Because of some dare. Groggy, but never drunk, dare I say it.

More ragging between ACPC and the big day. Especially on the last night, whoa. And on the last day. And the very last day as well. Funny how it never seemed to end.

Let's just say the commissioning went well, and how everyone, including I, felt the sadness, nostalgia, and the feeling that rushes up your nose bridge. Oh well, all good things must come to an end, or at least a screeching halt. Soon these memories will fade, but hopefully the good ones will remain. The bonds forged and friends made - we'll try to relive them somehow, won't we? It's yet another time to say goodbye, all the best, and see you soon.

$100 million for what.

Early bookout because of my fantastic marksmanship! Come to think of it, I really have to thank God for this breakthrough; previously during the practice shoots I didn't even come close to passing. So now I sit here, able to write in this space, and spend the next four nights out! Only a few more weeks left!

***

Recently (okay not so recently but the issue came up again a few conversations ago), it came up that FIFA considered (or maybe it was already put forth contractually, I'm not sure) charging an amount of up to a hundred million for the World Cup broadcasting rights in Singapore territory. Now, I'm no expert, but even if it was in the range of eighty million, and even if it was for both the 2010 and 2014 WC matches, isn't it a bit much? For that level of entertainment, a lot else could be achieved with that kind of money. But it was reported somewhere that nearly four hundred million went to acquiring EPL broadcasting rights. Whoa what? I think the competition between the broadcasters here may be too efficient for our prudent tastes. There should be some sort of agreement between providers here, especially when it concerns bids for broadcasting rights pertaining to international coverage. Otherwise it'll just be meaningless outflow of money.

Sidenote: Buah keluak is probably the only dish that can successfully make me eat more rice so earnestly. Honestly the FAMILY can open a restaurant already lah.

bring in the new

So yay it's the Lunar New Year, the reddest, hottest celebration of chasing away bad luck anyone can find around town (it pairs really well with the sweltering heat, in fact). A few days back in the land of green, we just completed a major summary exercise, as well as quite some (actually no, it was a lot of) kilometres of marching with various stations in between, so you can imagine how much I was looking forward to this break. Looking at it in the mid-term, I haven't got far to go; a few more weeks and it will all be over. Then it'll be a new environment, with new people, and new things to look forward to. (But then I'll start missing the old, no matter how gruelling it has been.) Hopefully I can finally make time for my family and friends as well. So hurrah for the new year!

Another one down

Returning back home just made me realise how hot and humid Singapore weather truly is. Standing still for only a few minutes, and dripping like a wet pig was something I envisioned but not hoped for. But it is good to be back, save for the nauseating weather back here. The cooler weather over there was great for training, and though it got quite cold at times, I thankfully didn't suffer from chapped lips, dry skin, or the sort. Quite strangely so, as I usually do with other temperate climates previously. Training was quite alright actually; yes, tough at times, but not consistently so, which is an important factor. And the scary thing is, I actually found some parts of it fun. THIS IS NOT ME. IT IS ANOTHER PERSON SPEAKING.

Split personalities aside, it looks like the schedule after the trip will be an atrociously tight one. Suffice to say, it has always been so, but it shouldn't be, not when we're nearing the end of the course (just when I was getting used to the place and the people). What to do, organisational mess-ups.

Where did they all go?

Just a side-rant (Twitter-styled, but not so):

Where did they all go flying/fading off to? What happened to the good ol' PC games (I don't know what they're termed) (and yes that was a dangerous oxymoron) that actually took time (not realtime games like Farmville or whatever uncreatively named games there are) and effort (unlike 'instant noodle' games that are over in like what, 20 seconds?)? Okay yes, those games are still around, but they no longer offer well, in terms of updated gameplay, more user-friendly interfaces, and graphics that could deceive a donkey. Maybe it's my fascination with seeing macro in micro, or maybe it's my God complex, or maybe I'm just really a little kid still enamoured with Lego, but games like Sim City (or any others that simulate control over an establishment) appeal to me greatly, but sadly, there doesn't seem to be that many of such games around, that are actually able to stand up to stiff competition from the influx of more action/gore/violence/thrill-packed games. Games that let us control characters a la Sims don't really appeal to me (because I might as well live my own life well), but I was admittedly interested in the 'Build'-ability that it offered. Recreational architecture - that's what I call it. Probably I'm more of a creative than a destructive force. Yes, that explains it best.

(Yes it's not Twitter-styled because it's wayyy more than 140 characters. What's up with the word limit anyway.)

Welcome 2 Taiwan!

Well would you just look at that. A fantastic, earnest effort to usher visitors into the country, to enjoy all of its nature- and lifestyle-oriented attractions, and really, I would appreciate all of that, except that I can't glimpse even a little of any of it, even after dwelling there for the next two and a half weeks. Eh, no, not really, I'll actually be revelling in what the flora and fauna there have to offer, sometimes even for days on end. But ya, that's not really a consolation worthy enough of being one.

Oh well, the few days before the departure have been rather enjoyable, with the New Year being a smashing excuse for meet-ups and gatherings that really don't have a lot of purpose, save for all-important (I'm not being sarcastic here) (neither there too) socialising and catching up, with people from church, JC, and gasp, my current occupation (not that the latter was much needed anyway, haha). But even as all this happens, one realises everything actually can easily be forgotten and put aside, unless there's an effort to keep them in mind. And so I shall, instead of viewing all of these as merely fun and laughter. Yes, they are that, but also more. They're also opportunities to strengthen bonds and create new memories.

2009 + 1

Yeah it's the new year. If I sound almost nonchalant about it, well maybe yes I am. Yup, it definitely is one of the better things so far, but when one is to fly off to the island off China for non-leisure purposes, especially for non-leisure purposes, you can't blame him ya? Certainly I carry with me a much better perspective this trip around, but I don't doubt it's a sad event, with additional responsibilities, crazy training schedules, and all.

So what happened last year?

The other day (okay maybe last week or last, last week) I met up with K after an astounding six months (no I can't believe how long it was) for lunch at this really purse-enlightening Italian outfit that really was Japanese in disguise. I must go back for more sometime, it's so worth it! Caught up a lot with each other (hopefully this time it should not last for more than six months), and I guess that's about it. I think that's all I'm capable of outside, eating and talking. Well, that's more than I can say for myself.

Went for (another) hotel buffet with the FAMILY, which truly stuffed me. I ate till I literally dropped, but who cares for the bloated stomach when you've attained the knowledge that you've gotten every single cent's worth. That's the Singaporean in me speaking (plenty of that in there).

Confined myself in camp for no compelling reason except that the whole FAMILY was in Taiwan and I only had a day out. But that turned out surprisingly fun, because I could settle a lot of the 'chickenshit' they gave us. I realise that my mindset has been turning for the better recently, even the authorities have realised and commended me (a lot, should I say) for that (and as a result the additional responsibilities). Well, all of this positivity should only encourage me, no less.

One up from 2009!

Back!

AHAHAHA I'M FINALLY BACK! To tell the truth, it wasn't all that bad altogether. I didn't even make any phonecalls back home (because of the exorbitant cost! No really, hearing of past figures of $800 and $1300 really kills all possibility of homesickness), but I still got through. Lodging was, suffice to say, basic, but then again, it was way better than expected. The food was great though... maybe my standards have fallen or I'm getting way too used to it, but I'd rather stay contented that way. I've finally got that long-anticipated badge (actually I wasn't really anticipating or looking forward to it, but more of wanting to get it over and done with), and seriously, it wasn't that tough or gruelling as it was made out to be. I guess all that exaggeration by the seniors was uncalled for, especially since it didn't rain for the first six days of the course though it was the monsoon season... thank God! Basically most of it went smoothly for me - the rations were more than enough, no major (or minor) injuries. I wish I could divulge more but sigh, bound by strict cyberpublishing regulations. The first morning after the course was bliss, waking up in the bunk instead of out in the open, snugly warm under the blanket while the weather outside was still cool and dewy... BLEEEES. R&R, mostly made up of museums, buffets and mindless wandering in the few malls there, was enjoyable enough. But seriously, after going through all of it, you'd feel like anything was possible, like you could do anything. Though I hope this semi-delusional feeling would go away soon and not get me into any trouble, haha.

Up!

No I haven't caught the movie yet, but well I'll be up in the air in a matter of, let's see, 5 hours more. I'll be away for around 3 WHOLE weeks in the Abode of Peace that resides in Borneo. The training there will expectedly be tough and gruelling, but I guess it's all part of the process. Funny how the idea of it all seemed awfully dreadful 5 months ago, but now, with 5 hours left to the flight, it seems almost... alright. I've been through the nail-biting, stomach-churning, finger-tingling, and probably I'll go through all of it a few rounds more when I'm there, but all in all, I'll say it's been an encouraging process of acceptance and acknowledgement. So keep in me in your prayers, I'll be back soon!

Clear!

So the defibrillating attempt was somewhat successful. I figured typing in something would get the job done.

I think this entry would be a far cry from what I expressed in the previous one. Sure, things are still tough, but I guess it only took a little time to warm up to the people around me. I've (thankfully) made many great friends in them, especially my 'buddy' as well as some others who, to no end, find joy in irritating me. Funny how such people can continue to do so, and at the same time be the people you find the easiest to approach. We'd been through some high-key events so far - the ten days I endured without a bath, the five days I stayed awake throughout - and they wouldn't have been at least bearable without company. Finishing one part of the course is definitely something to celebrate, but at the same time we are met with unfortunately premature departures, most to greener pastures. This is one thing that I've been proven wrong again and again, and gladfully so - that I doubted the bonds that form during this transitory period in my life, was a gross underestimation of what the experiences we go through can do to us. Of course, as I know it, there are many systems inherent that do much to impede and distort these experiences - the targets we have to meet, the KPIs we have to fulfill. But these are in the end transient only if we are able to see them so, and are nothing more but arbitrary benchmarks we don't have to force ourselves to live up to. Ahead, there are many seemingly insurmountable challenges, but as it is, I will have to look inward and gaze upward, and then it will be better-going, a constant lesson I've been taught this whole time.

Moving on away from soliloquoy, the night we were supposed to transmogrify into gentlemen mindful of our P's & Q's was, in all my expectations, uneventful and under the bridge. I guess many of them just weren't themselves, probably because they were in the presence of their dates and all. So it's a major cover-up, after all. That actually brings me to the fixation on image the entire system has. The things we are told to do, they sometimes frustrate me to no end, because I just can't figure out a logical reason to them. For the most part, they are only temporary measures to produce superficial results, and at the end of it all, the underlying problem still exists. Okay, I think it's a rant familiar to many in the country, so no further elaboration.

The time off so far has been great, having taken the time to pack off to Bintan and back, just relaxing and gastronomically exciting holiday there. The amount I ate was amazing even to myself; seems like my appetite has expanded quite a bit, probably because of all the physical activity and the overall longing for good food I always seem to possess. Also been out and about with some of them at the beach, where for some it was a good experience to share, and for yet others, it was a time for saying our goodbyes.

to stop the decay

Dusting the cobwebs of my blog, just as how I would area-clean. Well. Back from five weeks of what I would call one of the most up-and-down periods in my short, short life. There were times I was on a high, where everyone was really nice and mostly everything went well - pleasantly uneventful, and then there were times where the lack of sleep, mental stress and the packed schedule tempted me to just keel over and declare this a done deal. But this is just what they would call an 'adjustment period'. It's getting better, and I guess I should just remain positive. Again, most of them in there are really nice and helpful, much more so than the average human, but I can't quite see myself getting close to most of them, except for a dismal handful. The people in charge, they seem to experience mood swings and emotional rollercoasters, and it's only thanks to the current epidemic they're laying it off, but not for long in my opinion. But I will pull through, and it is only through His strength.

as we go on

So before I leave and become virtually uncontactable for a period of time, let me summarise what materialised over the later part of the week.

Thursday: An outing of sorts with YH, ZY and YJ. Hah, the Y's. To tell the truth, I play pool much worse than any of them. Even though I suggested pool. It's like how I love to play games I really am quite bad at. A painfully good example would be Risk. So you know we shared some more about our shared experiences. Really, it's a bit like getting stuck in the past, but I think that's perfectly fine at least for now, because that past really was quite an eventful one. We deserve our conversation's worth of discussion and mulling over it. YH really is an entertaining, top-notch conversationalist, ZY's the penultimate crapper/lamer/joker, and well, YJ has his moments and outbursts (of whatever, I don't know). Oh yes, the 3-scoops-for-3-dollars ice cream was welllll worth it.

Friday: It was supposed to be a major bridge session with B, HM and WY, but the package that day included a movie inspired by card-counters. So apt right, playing bridge right after that movie. Ahaha 'sweet sixteen'. Felt bad I was a little late, but other than that, I quite enjoyed the company, and having good hands for bridge. Turned down a chance at a gathering with some of the section, partly because I don't know how to play mahjong (and I don't intend to learn). Then, went for dinner with YX and SY, as a treat for SY's birthday and the many months of treasured friendship (hahaha). Had some mini lobster thing at a big discount, though I felt that the dish did not do plenty of justice to the crustacean (but neither did we, eating it and all), and then had a good ol' vanilla cone to fill 'er to the brim. After that, we went on a fruitless shopping jaunt for a Father's Day gift. Oh ya and I nearly lost my photocopied ID, having left it at MFM and going back an hour-plus later to get it. Thank God I found it!

Saturday: Had a sub with SY, YQ and HB. Long time since I've seen the latter two. And the former two, have had quite a good time so far compared to HB and I, so that's really... I'm really glad for them, ahaha. After a pseudo-discussion, we adjourned to a board games cafe, and well, played some games lah. Quite fun, especially the Bang! game (my second time playing), and the Ruby Rhino thing was interesting despite the lack of brains (or any effort, for that matter) needed. The Wrong Game was a bit of a let-down, not very challenging, but Blokus revealed the inner cunning in all of us. Like I didn't know, right, hahaha. Then after that, headed off to the COUSIN'S place to discuss about what to do for my maternal grandma's birthday. I'll just say this: "GAHHHH!" Okay.

So, on a totally unrelated note, I know where I'm going off to next. It's bittersweet (seems to be my new favourite word), because while I know many people want in on this, not many get selected in the end, and to some, it seems a prestige. But obviously the flipside is that there's going to be a lot of sacrifice and maybe even different levels of suffering to be had. Oh well, I'm going to take things as they come and cast it all unto Him. And that would be only in a matter of hours..!

back to life as we know it

So on Saturday, K and I went for this carnival thing at SAC, labelled Playmax. I guess it would have been a lot more exciting if you went in a bigger group, but the others K asked along couldn't make it, or could only make it late (and ended up cancelling on us). While I wouldn't say it was roaring fun or anything, it did give us a much-treasured opportunity for fellowship, and to just catch up with each other. Thing is though, at such carnivals, there'd be the quintessential carnival games in all their cheesy glory, but as we made our dutiful turns at each of them, we somehow really tried our best at not letting any of them get the better of us. So what if they were targeted at adolescents, they weren't very simple at all. Then after that we watched a strongman performance plus a slapstick sketch. Saw B and E, and various other familiars there as well. All in all, as an effort to reach out to the community and the youth in particular, I would commend the entire event, though I felt that the high ticket price would be a partial deterrent for some. After that, HM came over to catch up as well, and while they had their value-for-money subs, I ate some donated cookies. Yes, I have been gravely and terribly affected by the recession, haha. And it is then I have realised that it isn't actually entirely impossible to talk to girls about what I've gone through the past few weeks, ahaha.

These are what my keen information-gathering skills have come up with: K has a pretty happening social life. HM has a very, very happening social life.

Tuesday saw me going for the interview and test. Both were reasonably alright, and I guess I managed pretty well. Only thing is that I don't actually see myself in that academic field, so the entire process for me was pretty stress-free. Lunch at the restaurant there was really value-for-money (this term will become more important to me), given the kind of food and ambience for that kind of price - I really enjoyed it with the FATHER. After that in the evening, joined K, WY, HM and B plus J for a short while at the cafe, before following J to meet ZT, V and M. Talked A LOT about our shared (haha) experiences (strangely I'm not bored of it yet), watched some Peranakan play rehearsal, and had some good old vanilla cone.

These are what my keen information-gathering skills have come up with: Ambience is key to food enjoyment, more so than I have realised. ZT can keep his hair. M is still caught up with his experiences, haha, must have been unforgettable. V has somewhat higher levels of myostin (go look it up and you'll know what I mean).

Went out for lunch with the family on Wednesday, exploiting the various discounts and promotions restaurants have come up with because of the recession, er the Great Singapore Sale, I think. After that, caught up with B near her place, where they serve good (as always) apple strudel. I think this was the ultimate catching-up session EVER, we went on for a good four hours, talking about things that truly meant something. It was really meaningful fellowship for me, and hopefully for her as well.

These are what my keen information-gathering skills have come up with: B is a changed person, and I would say it is for the better. (:

Am thoroughly enjoying what little time I have before going back in, and looking forward to the rest of the week.

Pop goes the weasel

So there go nine weeks, gone in a twinkling, a flash of time, seconds - so premature, yet so long-awaited. Perhaps it's true our education system is rather stifling; it's been quite a long while since I felt so different. Or maybe the experience of it all was just so starkly different from everything I'm used to, affecting me so greatly. But while all good things must come to an end, who says we can't procrastinate?

So quite immediately after it ended i.e. the next day, some of us booked badminton courts and well, played badminton. Been a long time since I touched the sport, so was a bit rusty when wielding my cobwebbed racquet. Though, it took only a while before I really started playing, and it was really fun playing with the rest of them, for three hours straight. After that, had some good chicken rice.

Then we went out again the next day! This time, with a bigger gang (admittedly, badminton's not everyone's sporting cup of tea, so.) of people, at Sentosa. It's kind of ironic, in that we already had so much sun, but you know, uneven, ugly tan lines call for such ironic measures. Basically I tried my hand in sports I previously wouldn't touch, like frisbee or beach volleyball, and doing all sorts of myriad crap in between. Operative phrase being 'tried my hand'. They were fun, but I prefer just soaking in the sea, and engaging in meaningful conversation, haha. Oh and we had dinner at ******! (the exclamation mark is not a typo), and I will tell you now that the service there should be banished to the darkest depths of some abysmal abyss. Food was passable given the not-so-value-for-my-hard-earned-money pricing, but giving us the wrong order and being so unwilling to do anything about it just about breaks the golden rule of service: No, it's not that the customer is always right, but, that reason is always right i.e. unreasonable service personnel shouldn't even be working at all. Anyway.

Hopefully, we'll get to see each other again, and given the slim chance of doing so, it is indeed some sort of obese, fat-ridden hope. Nonetheless, it's still worth hoping. We could continue procrastinating and ignoring the deadline presented to us just two days ago, keeping in touch even as we move on in different directions.

reflective half-essay

Okay it's coming to an end soon - for the most of it, it was quite fun, even exciting. Obviously it wasn't ALL good, if not it would be Bali, but other than that, it was seriously much better than expected. I'm not sure how I would be able to adjust to another environment without the people I've been through with so much so far, plus how I still would be detached from my original circle of family and friends for yet another period of time. I feel like I'm writing some reflective essay, and maybe I am, but it's really how other people have put it - I went in not expecting much, yet came out of it bringing plenty.

Many of them, the people I've met and interacted with so much over the few short weeks, they were certainly not perfect. They could do much better with cleaner language, maybe a few pointers on courtesy and etiquette, but who am I to judge. Most of them, I find, would agree that all such good things must come to an end (and a very short and premature end might I add), even as we may not enjoy the routine and regimen of it so much, we certainly enjoyed each other's company as we went through each bit of it, complaining and crapping together. Somehow, a bit of me wishes this would not end but continue on for the rest of the time I have to serve, just remaining on that piece of land up northeast, continuing to do what we do. Pretty aimless, but definitely a lot of fun (it's funny how I find it fun when I'm out, but when I'm in, it isn't really so).