Nearly one rational year on

Probably no one really comes to this blog anymore, but that's not what a blog's for, I guess. Nearly one year on, and I've come back to it, after my A levels, after finishing yet another year at school. It's really been quite some time since I've written just for fun, in a narrative, descriptive style, unlike the pseudo-analytical, evaluative and expository writing I've been doing for the past year in school. And I'm not really used to doing so. But I guess I'll just try. That reveals a lot of what I've been so busy about, haha.

It's deceivingly easy, yet, you find yourself trying to express, let's see, what's that word, un-express-ible (?) feelings, emotions, things (the best word to fall back on yet), and find yourself falling flat on your face just expressing yourself, not writing or analysing. It's the simplest things that are the hardest, really.

In the past year, let's see, I don't think I've changed a lot myself, though some people have told me that I have. It's really not up to me to judge, but it's definitely up to me to decide. If there's been change, I do hope it has been for the better. But what's really defined as better or worse, in deciding a person's character or personality? From what I know, I think the change was for the better. If not a lot, at least a little. That's what I would hope for.

Haha, hope. That's how the President-elect, became, well, the President-elect. Funny thing, hope. It's often perceived to be so intangible, inexplicable, so unconnected with the rational, scientific, and economic thinking that has come to dominate our modern psyche today. Now the fad is to be on the thinking side of the fence. Yet, it is also the thing that so many of us hold dearly, close to our hearts, never to let it go, for there's always that little flicker of hope, of light at the end of the long, dark tunnel, that, while forgotten, apparently has the strength and power to save us whenever we falter a little too much. And it was cleverly played on in this time of turmoil that all of us have to struggle with, in whatever aspect of our life.

Whatever the case, I do place my trust in God and take my own leap of faith. Hope, for me, while fine and dandy, can never be as good as faith. Sticking by one's moral principles, especially in confusing and misleading situations, is as good as any other solution. Why wholly trust a compass when you can see the stars?

I'm irrational and illogical, so whack me.

funness

China was really fun! Got to know so many of the CSE people much better. To think that we actually spent one entire year just sitting quietly in class, keeping to our own tables, never really mixing around. Went to the usual places in Beijing and Tianjin, like Tiananmen, Forbidden, Summer Palace, Great Wall, etc. But because it was educational (and gladly so), we visited Chinese industrial factories and got to know about their gargatuan growth in the last three decades thanks to the opening Chinese administration, the Urban Planning Museum which is just about one of the most contemporary and modern places in Beijing (yes Beijing, which already looks like, or even better than, Singapore in some places), and Singaporean organisations there like Raffles and Capitaland. Must say it was really interesting, and I took plenty of NICE pictures of which I will not upload.

But I fell sick for a few days after I came back from the trip, though I should after all thank God that I did not fall sick or feel unwell during the trip itself, as I usually do especially in cold climates. And in China, it was really cold, but not wintry. Sadly. Food was oily and salty, but I guess I ate around three times as much as I do in Singapore for each meal, partly because I was burning a lot of energy to keep warm, I think that's how it works. Tianjin was absolutely polluted, the air was horribly putrid. But Beijing's much cleaner, and thankfully breathable; we spent most part of the trip there. Must be because of the upcoming Beijing 2008.

To sidetrack, LYX is captain!!!!! *Popping of champagne* Another boost to our Cause. Heh.

Now coming back. Have been inspired by the trip to actually do stuff for the CSE IS.











Ok, so now the funness ends.

Oh yes, Christmas is coming!!! Somehow for me, the season gets less commercial and more meaningful as the years go by. Hopefully it does too for all of you out there! Because that's the way it should be.

the good and the bad

The Good:

1. I got to meet really nice people during the internship. They have entirely changed my perspective (or misconception, really) of the people from that particular college. I hope I get to meet them again somehow. Only one week and I am that fond of them already, hahaha.
2. Internship was a generally good experience. Got to attend this convention that saw businesspeople descending on Singapore. Quite a refreshing trip really, though it makes me question whether I really want to join the corporate world when I grow up (it really isn't as smooth as they make it out to be).
3. There has been quite a lot of subsidy for the China trip, coming from many quarters: the college, MOE, my grandma. The wonders of Singapore. Get ready for it. YAYNESS.
4. The holidays so far have been quite alright, except that I'm not entirely keeping to my homework schedule. I guess now that since tuition is sort of missing from my holidays, I've become a lot more -gasp- lax in doing things. Well, what are the holidays for anyway.
5. Eyes are under control - contact lenses are helping.

The Bad:

1. Internship should have been longer!!
2. Leaving those dearies behind. (Grandma talk should be 'in' anytime now. Yuppp.)
3. Some people can be quite unhelpful and unnecessarily curt at times. Or maybe it's just me. (No, not me being quite unhelpful and unnecessarily curt at times, but how I may be seeing things wrong.)
4. Chinese food for ten days.
5. No contact lenses for ten days.

The Many Things

YES I got the internship. God has been really good to me. To get it even though there was a trip clashing with the schedule - miraculous. Hopefully I can learn PLENTY from it, even if it is merely a week.

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A little less than half of 3E went to the zoo quite recently (my goodness, I can't remember when). I brought along the SISTER as well, since her exams were done and over with the day before. Haha, it really was quite a fun ride, we got to see plenty of things, even those that were unmentionable. What with the lion pride fighting and all, the blatant consensual (I believe) intercourse between red, plastic-buttocked Hamadryas baboons (reminds me of the various PDAs among humans), and all, in between, I believe, we had some good, clean fun.


Hahaha.


The SISTER sure enjoyed it. I guess J(u) would be the person she would remember the most, what with the girl carrying her around intermittently. She got to participate in one of the shows too. J(u) as well, haha.

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PW OP has just been finished. Which also marks the end of PW as a whole. I should be feeling all relieved and happy, but somehow, I just feel a little old, a little sad at the thought of putting the process of PW behind me. Truly, I faced it with as much as apprehension, cynicism, (derision even) as everyone else did, but at the end of it, I believe my group members B, K, and J did make PW a whole lot more tolerable, even fun, really. I really hope I will not forget the journey we toiled through as a group for PW (everyone in the group did shed a tear at least once), and the memorable experiences, like learning that putting cookies at the top of the oven shelf burns them really badly, learning to walk in sync with both the person in front and the cymbal-clanging, and even trying to "see-saw" on a plank and a cylinder (that was really fun). I hope that no one forgets all these; I myself have been changed somewhat (hopefully for the better) during this process, all of us have, indeed. I truly appreciate all their efforts - they've at least counted for something; we did well.

At the end of the road, when we look back, I would hope to see, and to realise, how we've actually made something not fun, fun.



And productive as well lah.

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My goodness, I really need to finish up the homework and study for the holidays. Work hard y'all!

Wow.

Ha, really long ago since I last wrote here; nearly forgot my password even.

To anyone that reads this, you must be really patient: no post in four months, and yet still waited and managed to read this post. (:

End of the EOYs! I just realised I don't want to call it 'Promos', because it antagonises me.

Was reading about Facebook in the recent news. So much was said about it, from throwing sheep, virtual drinks, and poking to the many, many Americans it counts among its users.

I hope I get treats soon. (:

Social networking online just keeps getting better.

Must remember to do more Maths during the holidays.

But I'm having none of that, not yet anyway.

As well as read up about Econs.

Nothing much against it, just that I don't really believe that such applications do improve the quality of friendships, if the connections in the networks even qualify as friendships in the first place.

And choose a proper topic for CSE research paper.

Perhaps it is a good way of getting to know more people (which is good), but good things do create an addiction to them, so, no.

I really hope I get treats soon.

But then again, the veil of Internet anonymity has become less of a problem in Facebook, since users are connected to groups and such, so that will increase its usefulness in networking and cyber-safety, if there's such a term.

I hope the holidays won't be too busy, yet I hope it won't be too free.

But I think many Singaporeans use Friendster more so than Facebook or Myspace, is that true? Not too sure, though I think the Facebook trend will catch on here.

Am going for internship test tomorrow.

Imagine earning millions just for developing this online social network.

Hopefully it'll be smooth.

At such a young age some more.

Hopefully I can pass/ace it; cannot wait for it to start.

Wow.

Wow.

the post that comes in a long while

It's been quite a long while since I last blogged. Well, much has happened. The official induction has not yet taken place, while post allocation is merely tomorrow, but even then, I feel as if I've been doing this for a long time, and I can only hope this means a smooth-sailing term, if not a near perfect one. I hope for a certain confidence that people will have in me, and what I will do, because it is definitely important that some form of mandate should be given to me to ensure a continuing momentum in how I plan and do things. And even if this support is not given to me, I pray that I will be able to push on, keeping an unwavering self-confidence, knowing that what I am doing, I am doing for the best.

Time seems to run by me faster, each week passing quicker than the last one. Am I learning enough, fast enough? It seems as if everything rushes by, and then, you realise, you're being left behind. But is that such a bad thing after all? I want the scenic route; there's too much to be missed, yet, I cannot help feeling that this gap between me and the rest, is widening, deepening. Notwithstanding this, time waits for no man, but will it make concessions, just for me? I just hope I'm not too late.

Many new things, experiences - some delightful, some hard to accept. Change is definitely in the air, but I don't hope to. Routine has to be discarded, but I can't bear to. For a certain time now though, I've been living in the future. The 5 is always written as 7, and July's now instead of May. Is the idea of translation in time subconscious for me, a sign that I accept the bird of time and the winds of change?

If it is, I don't realise it.

tributes

Many thanks to HZY and CSLK for l0vely treats, LYX and PSY for wonderful gifts, and MLWR, SMBAH, LZHS, CLXE, JTZQ, MKSY, the people in front, and the family in Cairns for the b'day wishes. Even though not all may have remembered (and I don't expect them to), at least there are some who do make the additional effort to care. Though it's without the family, this birthday was very much enjoyable. I think I'll grow fat, but whatever, no one will notice anyway. Thanks to HZY and PSY for much-needed Math sessions. even though you people don't have much time to spare. Quite fortunate to have willing, helpful friends, I must say. Really don't know what I'd do for Math without them. This holiday has been productive because of you. I may not be the best of friends at times, but I dare say I try my utmost to be one, and appreciate everyone for who they are, regardless of any preconceived notions. Everyone deserves my best, and I shall try to be the good friend I hope you think I am. Tough, but yes I'll definitely try. It may not be very coherent, but I assure you it definitely holds a lot of meaning (no, not crap) for me, and I hope for you too as well.

Yours Sincerely.

old buses

The buses are seriously getting old, breaking down on me. Now this can no longer be discounted as an excuse for getting to school late.

What happened to our infrastructural efficiency?

What happened to the reliability on our beloved public transport network?

What happened to those Daimler-Chrysler engines?!?!

song in the head

Songs always do get stuck in my head, especially if it's from a movie soundtrack. Those are especially sticky, but yet have nice, catchy tunes (fuzzy feeling coming), though nauseatingly so. I have a few songs stuck in my head right now, but they're sort of mixing. So sometimes I hear something from Mulan (my sister's currently quite in love with it, and it's funny how everyone says Fa Mulan, and not Hua), and another from Prince of Egypt (don't know why it popped out). If you're wondering why both are cartoons, it's because animated movies are actually the only movies worth watching over and over again.

Why? It's because it's The Way, i.e, it just is.

Though, songs in my head don't annoy me or anything like that, because they're way clearer and therefore more enjoyable, than songs from an iPod. Something like an inbuilt player, really.

bygone

Ah long time no post. Well, I've been on attachment for around five weeks now. Though it may seem a little monotonous at times, I'm nonetheless quite grateful for this attachment - quite a new experience, I must say. But on to more pressing things.

I (and the rest of Singapore who took the O's) got back THE results. Oh yes, THE results that will make or break you. Well, not exactly. And even more not so for me, since I only took the HCL test. Ah, it's quite a known fact that I'm not entirely great in the subject, so I was not too surprised I got the results I got (no, I'm not telling). But definitely thankful that I passed. But I must say I was quite surprised at the results others got. Some in pleasant surprise, some in utter shock, and some in milder disbelief. Oh well, everything's quite unpredictable (especially when it comes to things like these). I didn't expect everyone to congratulate me or console me or anything, but certain insensitive remarks were made that I felt were awfully derisive and contemptuous, and I felt quite hurt after hearing them, especially since it came from someone whom I thought would not say such things. But with all things like these, it's best not to dwell too much on them.

On another note, I am very, very grateful for my parents, who were very, very understanding about my grade (not telling). But I just hope that I would work harder and know that I have done my very best. leftbracketandcolon.

And can everyone else please start updating and stop deleting/moving their blogs... I want to read...

Ha. No more yellow frog.

Changed the blog template today, quite obviously. How do y'all like it? Well, I do.

Orange and dark grey go perfectly well together, unlike those other black blogs which cause me to squint (you know who you are).

At least there's no more yellow frog staring right back at me in the face. I should think the previous image of the nicest tree ever was deleted from imageshack's server; how deeply distressing.

On another note, Christmas is over, and school's going to start. I can't get my preferred subject combination, and I know nothing about the attachment. Is this the calm before the storm, so they always quote from an unknown source, as usual?

"As the dark of this night set in, I humbled myself, for the time of reckoning is nigh."

It is still numb.

The holiday was pleasantly uneventful, except on the plane trip back. Quite harrowing, that was.

So there I was, on the plane, sitting next to my sister. At one moment, I bent down to pick up her bag that was lying on the floor, just trying to pack some stuff in it. But when I sat back up, I felt this sharp pain course through my vein/artery/whatever somewhere in my forehead (I didn't even know I had a vein/artery/whatever there in the first place). It (the pain, not the vein/artery/whatever) was quite mild at first, but it progressively grew sharper, and I got a bit worried. Slowly, the pain travelled, and soon, the area around my right eye became painful as well. It was as if something was tugging at my eye from behind. By this time, I got very worried. All the worst-case scenarios flitted in my head: what if I go blind, what if I burst a vein/artery/whatever.

Well, it got worse.

The pain continued on to my teeth. The whole of my right jaw was now in pain, like all of the teeth on the right side were having major toothaches. So now, the entire right side of my face was in pain. The worst, most excruciating pain I'd ever felt.

If it weren't for my mother's company and God's comfort, I'd have gone mad with pain.

In fact, I was already half there.

Well, apparently the pain was due to the decompression of the plane, which I think means that the air pressure in the cabin changed a tad too quickly. Apparently, most of the passengers felt it, but I had it quite bad, because I wasn't feeling too well in the first place.

So, if you saw someone looking all dishevelled, holding the right side of his tear-stained face, at Changi Airport's transit lounge or departure area last night, chances are, that was me.

Well, that was near death enough for me; I seriously thought I was going to die, with a burst vein/artery/whatever or something. Till now, the teeth on the right side are still numb.

And now I can't remember anything about the trip, but this. Looks like I won't be flying anytime soon.

Ah, fulfillment.

The holidays have been going along quite nicely for me so far. Tying up loose ends, doing more productive things, and finally having more time to myself. At the very least, I've been (I think) keeping to doing Math, trying to improve in the subject that haunts me nearly every time I've received my results. Doing DIY projects around the house and more reading, it's at least good to know that nothing much has changed about me, I think. If those criteria could be used to quantify who I am (eeks). Oh yes, and I'm quite intrigued about this game/thing I'm playing at the moment; Nationstates. Guess the dictator in me enjoys this, creating a country and all. Oh well. Take a look at my country, and see whether you might agree with the laws I've deviously passed.

A New York Times democracy can be so fulfilling as well, y'know.

OB

Negativity be gone. I loved the OB experience in Lumut. Not only an appreciated refreshing change from Singapore's concrete landscape for me, but I guess I've sort of grown attached to that small little piece of Malaysian heaven. The whole experience was fun for me, and I had many a good laugh there. It felt weird to be back in Singapore after the camp, and I will miss OB (M). (Even though I didn't seem to be enjoying myself there 'cause I wasn't feeling too well). Won't forget the experience and the people involved in it as well for a long time; I hope we have another one, seriously.

Leech/mosquito/sandfly bites and bee stings be gone, OB's still nice and lovely for me.

Reflection, on the past 10 months

Ah, it will soon rear its ugly (not) head. The exam that will determine what I'll be doing in the next two years. I've been rather placid about it lately, something that surprises the banana me (yes, I admit).

Perhaps because I know that I've prepared for it reasonably well, there being little more I could do. Or perhaps I'm just resigned to whatever outcome it will be.

I'm not too exactly content with my academic performance thus far, knowing that I could have done much better. Funny how it is a performance. Am I struggling too hard to reach my parents' expectations? No, there have been no expectations from them, except to do my best. Or are these my own expectations? These results, being the fruit of my anxiety? Oh well, someone has at least reminded me that grades do not determine who I am.

But as strange as it may seem, I appear to not do as well when I'm really trying hard. Perhaps, I need to trust God more, put my faith in Him, and cast all anxiety and care unto Him. Yes, New Year's resolution. Preconceptions of what I should be or be doing, out of the window, if you will. (Haha.)

Nonetheless, it's back to Math this holiday.

I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math, I love Math. Yes.

It will be an OB trip soon, somewhere deep in the uninviting forests of Malaysia. Heard so many horror stories, but let me not get negative. I do hope to enjoy myself there, and I will NOT listen to the tongues (let me see who... ) that try to dissuade me from doing so. But ya, someone remind me to take the malaria pills.

And that would also signal (sort of) the end of another school year. Met a lot of nice and not-so-nice people, but I will miss each one, as I realise there will be some whom I may never get to see any longer, some whom I will see only once in a blue moon, some whom I may forget. Sadded. Maybe I should do some sort of documentation of each person on this blog.

Hoping to spend more time with my family this end of the year, especially my parents and siblings (Ok, that's basically my family). My parents have been supportive of me, even when I chose to undertake an Arts combination (even though MOE says it's a mixed combination, I still think it's Arts), and they've been caring. My brother, well, let's just say he's become more independent and assertive, which is not necessarily a bad thing, really.

Ah, and I'm reminded of family warmth, as my sister doodles on.

"What colour would you want your shirt to be?"
And I answer, "Red, like yours."

PS Her Engrish is that good, ok. Never mind. And red is nice.

It is done.

It is over, and it is done. YES.

And thankfully so. I felt quite uptight over the examinations over the past week or so, and why?! I have not felt like that in any examination at all, and now this. What an achievement eh. And it's not even the o's. Makes me wonder what would happen to me should I take the o's.

Oh wait I am. At least for higher Chinese. But I'm definitely more confident in the subject now. Though I doubt those in the same Chinese class as I am would agree as confidently. Haha, this seems more of a reassessment of myself. Oh well, but I have plenty to thank God for. Call me a zealot or a nut if you will.

And yes, now more so than ever, I need Japanese food. I could eat a Japanese horse, if you will. But only if it lives in the sea.

And do tell me, what happened during the IMF-WB meeting? I only know quota reforms, and that's about it. If not, I think I'm going to write about something on Asia for the SS essay. Thankfully, it's due later on Monday.

I have many things to be thankful for, eh. (:

That will be the first and last time you'd see a smiley on a post. FYI.

*I just realised that the post is quite incoherent. Maybe I should consider point-form.

Who told me

Who told me a bald tree doesn't look nice? It does.

Who told me the bald tree on my blog doesn't look nice? It definitely does.

Who told me I can't do Math for nuts? I can, for some questions. Peanuts sometimes do seem appealing. Especially $60, 000 ones.

Who told me raw salmon isn't nice? It is when it's fresh, that I am sure. Japanese food always is.

Who told me I mumble? ...

Who told me I do not switch on my mobile phone all the time? Actually that's true, it's only switched on some time, and rightly so. I don't have eternal battery on it.

Who told me I'm self-effacing? I'm just humble, and isn't self-effacing supposed to be good? It's relatively unique to Asia, and I'm doing it.

Who told me I'm stupid? Admittedly, everyone is, at some point in time.

Who told me yayness sounded wrong? Is there anything wrong with the exaggerated expression of joy? Certainly not. Yayness.

Who told me Singlish was bad? It isn't, but whatever campaign that's against it is. Ignorance IS defence. Heh.

Who told me I do not update my blog? I do, and this is one of them.

Everything since time immemorial.

It has been a very, very long time since I've last posted. ZY finally persuaded me to post again through MSN (of all things). That, and the end of the school term, allowed for this rare occasion. And I'm posting about what happened. So mundane ya. I'm becoming boring. Oh well, let's start by listing a succession of events.

Mardi Gras Festival (school event, not the New Orleans kind): THE STALL. Oh my goodness, it totally stressed me out. Last-minute arrangements killed me. Though some people certainly helped out quite a bit, not many people helped in the behind-the-scenes work. Oh well, the chocolate was nice though. Didn't really take much effort in primping, but yes, the atmosphere created was suitable for the occasion, and I won the Bingo, surprisingly. Never won many games. Silent killer. Ha. In the end, I brought home about 17 leftover apples, which my family managed to finish up.

JGs: Though I didn't speak, I am still as proud of the team. The hard work was worth it. The blur computers were worth it. The cab fare was worth it. Putting up with sometimes weird but ultimately nice team members was worth it.

College Day: Was forced to go for it. Well ok, at least I had a pretty ok time there. Quite a number of awards were given out, though I realise that this may be a small number compared to other top JCs. Performances were fine and good, but I am surprised at how the event was so forgettable for me. I forgot that I had even attended it, until my father asked me where I had been that same afternoon. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just College Day.

Biopolis Visit: I was ok during the initial presentation, but the walking tour killed me. Because I was sick, and the air was particularly dry there (extremely efficient air-conditioning, I must say), I was coughing my way through it. There were also some comments about how the scientists looked like and all. I guess this is normal (hey, raging hormones), but I didn't do anything of the sort. Quite informative I must say, and bioinformatics (my IS) was quite a big help. At the end, W sprayed something on L, and well, let's just say everything went mad from there.

Sports Carnival: My toes died there. My contact lens threatened to shrivel. And I fell twice. Blame it on my shoes, the scorching (literally) sun, and my natural imbalance, respectively. Floorball was good, but I guess I was partly to blame for the loss at the finals. Didn't exactly do my job well. Plus I was so tired (it was a long time since I was that tired), I couldn't even hit the ball straight. Also missed hearing the MMMK dedication - talked too much.

Travels to Sumohouse: Haha, this is interesting. Japanese food (very reasonable and satisfactory as well), plus two wacky friends (sometimes three), makes for an enjoyable 1 and a half hour lunch (yes, that's how long it takes). Wasabi also makes for an interesting lunch activity.

Yay, no more half-dead blog. Though it might be retching from the content I put in it. Sigh.

it's alive!

Just so you know, my blog isn't exactly dead yet. The previous post may have dated back to the month of January (I think) but look, here it is again, another post. It's up and well again. It just lapsed into a coma the other time. Don't ask me. Ask the schedule. But that doesn't mean that it wouldn't go into a deep sleep again. Believe me, my blog's addicted to sleeping pills.

This could probably be the last you see of me, or maybe not. Hey, looking half-dead is supposedly cool nowadays, anyway.

cny carnival.

Messy.
Oily.
Sticky.

The CNY carnival.

Very messy.
Very oily.
Very sticky.

The CNY carnival. That is, if you get creamed.

Very messy hair.
Very oily hair.
Very sticky hair.

The CNY carnival. That is, if you get creamed. Right on the head.

"But never mind, it's all in good fun, isn't it? Isn't it? Wasn't it? No?"

"..."